i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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