As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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