I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
