real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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