My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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