am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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