You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
