CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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