he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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