Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
