I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize