You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
3 2 1 whiskey
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
