Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
