I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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