He asked to "fluff my boner.."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
