the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
