the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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