Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
