i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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