sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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