Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
