my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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