eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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