She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
