We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
