I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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