How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
