Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
