I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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