At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i barfeds in our rink
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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