I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
