my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
