in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
