I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
