before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she told me i tasted like america
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
