There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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