Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
