Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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