Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
