Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
