When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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