i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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