I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
