ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
thus making me awesome and them whores
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
