Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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