I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
