I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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