it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
