This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
