So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
