1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize