dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
