you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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