id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize