Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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