i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
