so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
