just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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