"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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