i just wanna soil my oats bro
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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