No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
