is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
