In the future we'll all be gay
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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