I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
