My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
