why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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