seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
