Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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