His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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