i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
