i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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