ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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