2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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