the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
