omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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