Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
