Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
