im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize