I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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