I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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