the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
