wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
