I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize