No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
